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Happiness is a topic that is greatly debated. What brings it, how do we keep it, and why does it seem so elusive? 

First of all, what is happiness? Is it having the right job, the right relationship, having or not having children, looking the right way and living the right lifestyle? You can see how subjective happiness is.

If happiness is contingent on everything lining up just right, no wonder it seems out of reach most of the time. The wealthy with no wants can be miserable, and the poor can be full of joy. So, let’s agree that happiness has nothing to do with stuff. 

What if being loved is the answer? “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved” — George Sand.

Again, it seems we are judging happiness by something outside of ourselves. I’m not discounting love; I believe it is a vital element of happiness. It is our expectation of love that can leave us believing we are missing something. There is a place inside that gets filled up with light and joy when someone says how wonderful and special you are. When that is taken away, pain replaces that happy feeling. So, that can’t really be the answer.

What else do we believe about happiness? Think about your own experience with happiness. Does it come and go? Do you have those days when you are just in the dumps and you know nothing is going to go right? Haven’t you had enough bad days? 

Here’s the truth. Happiness is not contingent on anyone or anything. The reality is that nothing around you really has to change for you to be happy all the time. 

Here are five secrets to happiness:

1. Spend time understanding your past. What you experienced as a child can be impacting your life, even as an adult. What did you come to believe about yourself as a child that holds you back as you live your life? These blocks can be very real and keeping you from feeling true happiness. It’s possible to understand these blocks and let them go. If you need help, find a wise counselor or coach who can help you to discover and release these.
   
   
2. Forgive. It is not negotiable who you forgive. Everyone has a path they are on. You have made mistakes, and so have they. Some wrongs seem so deep it is unimaginable to forgive them. You forgive more for you than for anyone else. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the act the other has made, it means you have moved to a higher place in your growth. Anger and resentment holds you back from moving forward and living in a better space. Without forgiving others and yourself, true ongoing happiness cannot exist.
   
   
3. Now it’s time for the big one. You must love yourself. This love is not changeable. No matter where you are in life’s path, you can love yourself. Look at the way you talk to yourself; is it negative? I know people who talk to themselves the way they would never talk to other people. It’s harsh and judgmental. Do you find yourself saying unkind things to you? The words, “I’m stupid, I’m ugly, I’m clumsy,” should never be part of the way you talk to yourself. The more you say it, the more you lock it in and start to believe this about yourself. Change the messages you are saying to yourself. Create a statement you use every time the old negativity track starts to play. Love yourself first, and then that love encompasses others. Being loved by others becomes an added joy rather than a necessity of happiness.
   
   
4. Begin every day reminding yourself of your value and greatness. Over time, this becomes the new belief of who you are. This should not be mistaken with conceit. It is true that there is no one of greater worth than you, but there is also no one of less worth than you. What a revelation to know that you are on the same plane as everyone else around you. Success or failure doesn’t change your value as a human being.
   
   
5. Finally, find the things in life that bring you fulfillment. You are the only judge of what your purpose and path should be. Ask the questions that lead you to who you want to associate and work with and how you contribute to the world. Follow your heart.

You are the sole source of your own happiness. You can build everything you need to be consistently happy when you know what that foundation is and always stand on it. ​

Let’s get real about New Year’s Resolutions. They usually don’t work. That’s why they are the same ones you had a year ago in January. I’m going to get right to the point!
Here’s what does work.
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1. Know what you want your life to look like at the end of the year. Be specific about what you want.
2. Create a vision where you can see the end result, if you can’t see it in your mind it isn’t powerful enough to keep you motivated. Doubling your income doesn’t mean as much as seeing what that would bring into your life.
3. Break the big vision into smaller 90 day goals. This is manageable and shown to be successful when focusing on a specific vision. It is a short enough time to keep you focused and driven and long enough to achieve something really impactful in your life.
4. Create the actions that is requires and set a schedule for when it will get done.  If it doesn’t have a day and time set on your calendar it usually doesn’t happen. Stay focused.
5. Now the part where most people get stuck, resistance and distractions. Stand back and watch as you find other things to do that keep you from starting that project, making that phone call, or doing that action that moves your goal forward. Then ask why.
6. Why are you keeping yourself from doing the very thing that will get you what you want? You really want that vision to come into reality so why is it so hard to actually do it?
7. Become self-aware and notice the emotions and thoughts that come up as you start to work on an action. What are you thinking and feeling?  What created this feeling that is stopping you from taking the action?
8. Understand why you have resistance and focus on moving through it. If you recognize it, and acknowledge that it is just something slowing you down rather than helping you, you become more powerful than the emotions and thoughts that come up. You gain back the power that you had given away because of fear of being uncomfortable, or rejected or any number of reasons. Sometimes what you need is someone to help with the process.

Take the 90 day challenge and create something new in your life, make it have meaning.  You can be 90 days older without change or you can really build something great for yourself and others in your life. Then take another big 90 day step forward and the result on Dec 31, 2018 will be incredible.
 
 
Call Kathleen for a free conversation about what you want in your life and how you can achieve it. 480 201-5612 or Kathleen@wwfireteams.com
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By Kathleen Dorson, Business Trainer & Consultant, Win Win Fire Teams, LLC

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help someone. — Chinese Proverb


What compels us to take care of others, and why are we happier when we do? A study done by the University of California concluded, “When it comes to the pursuit of happiness, popular culture encourages a focus on oneself and on one’s needs. Mounting evidence, by contrast, suggests that being kind to others (i.e., engaging in prosocial behavior) consistently leads to increases in happiness.” We’ve all experienced times when we have felt greater happiness and times when it is seems to be elusive.

As a college student, I experienced a deeply profound event. I was married at the time with a small child and had gone back to school to finish my business degree. An evening class I was attending was meeting for the last time, and I noticed a woman that seemed to be acting a little strangely that night. She and I were the last ones out of the room and, though I needed to get home to my little one, I reached out and asked if everything was ok. She looked at me with such despair that I took her to a seat and started to talk with her. After a few minutes, she told me she had a purse full of pills and was planning on ending her life that night. I talked with her until the instructor came outside check on us. We were able to get the help this young woman needed. I met up with her shortly after to see how she was doing. Just reaching out to her had given her the touch she needed to take a pause and stop what she was about to do. I’m grateful for that tug I felt to reach out to her and simply ask if she was ok.

As a teenager, I learned that if depression started to overtake me, I needed to reach out to someone else to help them in some way, and it would put me back into a happier place. So, why do we feel better about ourselves and others when we give of ourselves? I believe it is because we are social beings. Our survival depends on others, whether as babies, small children, adults needing support and love, or when we are older and no longer able to take care of our needs. More than survival alone, we need love and interaction that is meaningful. The greatest punishment in prison is solitary confinement. In an article by George Dvorsky, he states, “Disturbingly, solitary confinement beyond 15 days leads directly to severe and irreversible psychological harm.” We are built to need other people. When we take care of other people, it touches a part of us that brings joy. We are doing what we are meant to do as human beings.

We are whole beings, when something is out of balance or not working in one area of our life, all the other areas struggle to flourish properly. Fix what isn’t working, and it all comes together in amazing success.

Kathleen Dorson is available to discuss your business needs. She has also worked as a health and life coach and utilizes all her skills and knowledge for her clients. Call 480 890-0100 or go to winwinfireteams.com to request a consultation with Kathleen or one of the other coaches with Win Win.

Sources available upon request.

If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day, go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime, help someone.

​Chinese Proverb